Ok, so everyone already knows that Splendor is NOT the poster girl for the feminine graces. In fact, Splendor’s long suffering (HA!) mother is fond of saying that if only she had made her take piano lessons it would have made a proper young lady out of her. As if somehow a bit of classical training would have prevented the “PHASE” that she apparently has been going through for THE LAST SEVERAL DECADES and the true Splendor would have emerged, combed through her unruly hair and donned an outfit from J CREW. It seems as though hell has decided not to freeze over for Splendor’s wardrobe (as well as her hair) is still set on EVIL. Now, let it be noted that Seraph actually took piano lessons and turned out perfectly wicked, thank you very much…
At this point one might ask “where exactly is all of this going?” Well it seems in some faded and bygone era a fan was a required accessory for the proper young lady. Now we have no freaking idea what to do with a fan expect for possibly swatting at the pixies when they swing from the tiebacks or fornicate in the houseplants (we just hate when that happens…) but it appears that there was much complexity in the use of a fan and in fact a secret language could be used to convey covert messages.
Here are a few of our favorite communications. Twirling the fan in the left hand meant “WE ARE WATCHED”, while carrying the fan in right hand in front of the face said “FOLLOW ME”. Covering the left ear with the open fan portrayed “DO NOT BETRAY OUR SECRET” and of course touching the handle of the fan to the lips would say “KISS ME”. And last but not least, dropping the fan meant “WE WILL BE FRIENDS” (you’re damn right, little lady, you will make LOTS of friends THAT way…) We don’t know about you but the secret messages being sent seem rather slutty not at all ladylike. Needless to say, we will be spending the remainder of the evening making up an obscene fan language of our own…
Whores of Hell feel the whip
Sluts of Hell with blood-red lips
Leather and Latex I demand
Shut up Bitch, I am in command!!!!
(“Sluts of Hell” by Nattefrost)