Saturday, January 30, 2010

Greenhouse Effect


Our concept of gardening used to border on the eccentric, now it seems to reside there. Currently our winter garden rather resembles a witch’s pea patch or an overgrown battlefield full of feuding wizards, complete with burnt patches of turf and the odd smell of sulfur in the air (but that is a story for another day AND A STORY THAT NOBODY BELIEVES when we tell it…All we will say at this point is that it involved our neighbor, a broomstick and a pack of flying rats. We promise you, dear readers we are not exaggerating.)




Recently it came to our attention that the plants in our container garden have passed through the veil of life and now reside in the afterworld…OK, there is not a nice way to say it - our plants are just FREAKING DEAD. There was a series of unfortunate mishaps that led up to this but we will not bore you with yet another peculiar and only somewhat plausible tale. Let’s just say that not even the invaluable gardening book “BOTANICAL NECROMANCY IN THREE EASY SPELLS” made much of a difference (besides growing moss on our eyebrows, that is…)




Now, our barberry shrubs were quite lovely when they were alive with their seemingly graceful boughs and delicately dappled leaves. In death they have taken on an entirely different form, transforming into a gnarled cluster of branches dripping with sinister thorns. We never spent much time pruning these plants (much like how Splendor does not spend much time properly bushing her hair…) so their misshapen twigs have twisted into a spooky and impenetrable hedge. Instead of just heading to the nursery and procuring some new shrubs we decide to decorate the skeletal remains of the old ones by fastening chandelier crystals among their thorny bows. Much to our amusement this caused BLINDING SHAFTS OF LIGHT to shoot from our porch, frightening the postman and confusing the crows. We did not stop there, dear ones. Our garden (HA!) now boasts a collection of mirrors placed at odd angled designed to further perplex and bewilder the casual bystander and last but not least a bird’s nest spun of metal strands, a set of silver filigree eggs and a pair of brass songbirds…




Whatever apocalypse occurred to our shrubs has involved the undergrowth as well. The winter pansies have committed mass suicide and the stone crop and creeping jenny appear to have been carried off by pixies. Instead of filling the gaping holes with new and lively plants we instead packed them with ceramic orbs, crystal facets and decorative rocks. There is a resident squirrel here that likes to profusely rub a certain green orb much like a crystal ball. Instead of sharing what dire portents and omens he has witnessed, he prefers to sit on our railing and scratch his armpits for hours on end. (But then again everyone knows that clairvoyant squirrels can be troublesome…)



As a final touch we placed our bronze Buddha statue front and center in one of the pots. This stately statue previously resided in our bedroom, but was recently replaced with a shrine of skulls sprawled upon a wrought iron candelabra. Buddha seems much more content presiding over the lifeless yet lavish garden rather than the shenanigans that tend to take place in the master chamber (although we must say the skulls seems to enjoy it…hmm…)



Since it seems we will be lacking in greenery for the foreseeable future, we have gathered together a selection of opulent olives, murky mosses and evil emeralds…enjoy!


Now when the day goes to sleep and the full moon looks
And the night is so black that the darkness cooks
And you come creeping around, making me do things I don't want to do

(The Green Manalishi (with The Two-Pronged Crown) by Judas Priest)

10 comments:

(IN)DECOROUS TASTE said...

All of this green is delicious. Where/what exactly are those luscious emerald interiors?! On another note, if someone were to present me with those cabbage soup bowls out of context, I'd probably want to vomit. But they work surprisingly well on the malachite tablecloth. They'd look even better in front of the wonderfully dingy tapestry in the picture above...

Also! The giant malachite vase. They have the most beastly larger-than-life (really) malachite vases at the Hermitage. I wish there were some way I could acquire one. Believe me, if there were ANY way I could have possibly walked off with a several hundred pound, 6 foot tall malachite structure, I would have. Oh well. Lauren

Fairwood Haven said...

Bravo-!
Your Choice of GREENS - are Beyond
Compare-!
That Table Setting of Tony Duquette's is also a Favorite of mine-! M.

Seraph + Splendor said...

Thanks everyone for the comments! The first room is a Renaissance palace in Italy, second (with the vivid green walls is in Castle Howard in England and last but not least is a French chateau designed by Didier Rabes…that emerald upholstery and dark walls are to die for…

We must devise a plan to borrow (OK, steal…) one of those malachite urns. Actually the one pictured is Russian. If you are fond of Russian design check out the book “Russian Furniture: the Golden Age 1780 – 1840 by Antoine Cheneviere”.
S+S

Jill said...

Beautiful images as always...Fortuny makes my heart sing!

I can imagine the fabulous dinners had in such an amazing dining room! Adore the chair upholstery!!

I only use this many exclamation points when I'm commenting on blogs...weird.

Seraph + Splendor said...

...Our Fortuny book is tattered beyond belief - his work has been such profound inspiration!
S+S

P.S.
As weird as it is exclamation points & blogging seem to go hand and hand!!! HA! We have to make sure that we do not add too many to our business emails...damn...

MJ said...

!!!

Mina Anguelova said...

this blog is pure delight!!!! i'm so happy i found you!

Monica said...

I have finally, ok almost, given up on gardening. I have always been a wildcrafter and thought that gardening would just be a natural next step. Not so!

My favourite greens ignite the smell of mossy swamps in my head.

Cheap Soma said...

Beautiful. I can just imagine nobles using these rooms...

Claudia Lawrence said...

Hi, ur blog is really nice & eyecatching, while reading I truly like it. I just wanna suggest that u should go for blog advertising & marketing there is a website which is offering very unique features at affordable prices there are expert advertising team who will promote ur blog & affiliate ads through all over the networks which will definitely boost ur traffic & readers. Finally I have bookmarked ur blog & also shared this blog to my friends.. i think my friend might too like it hope u have a wonderful day & !!happy blogging!!.

Related Posts with Thumbnails