Sadomasochism can occur in many forms, dear readers. On one hand (ouch…) it can involve nothing more than an afternoon of fun activities resulting in some strategically placed bruises (and perhaps a little rope burn…) to something much, much darker… Here at Chintz of Darkness we have recently participated in the most heinous and masochistic act one can perform alone or in a group setting. What is the vile act you ask? Why nothing short of looking through family pictures. One is instantaneously reminded of every short coming, embarrassing situation and bad hair related disaster that has occurred in one’s life. It seem as though every dorky outfit and cringe inducing family event has been lovingly documented and preserved so one can LIVE THROUGH THE HUMILIATION AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN until one’s head finally explodes and ruins the photo album once and for all…HA!
One particularly painful flashback occurred while Splendor was perusing a pictorial of her ill fated ballet lessons. Now everyone knows that requiring a tomboy to wear a pink spangled tutu is cruel and unusual punishment to say the least. Now to be posed like a “proper young lady” (as opposed to a heathen beast) in gauzy soft lighting with hair in silky pony tails, HOLDING A FREAKING BOUQUET OF PANSIES is simply beyond the pale. And on top of that being forced to dance to the song “I ENJOY BEING A GIRL”…. (A song that should be more aptly titled “I Enjoy Being a Whore” with insipid lyrics like this…) Is there really any question why young Splendor burned all of her hair scrunchies and turned to a life of delinquency??? At least there were amble pictures of her climbing trees, playing with dirt and eating cat food to balance things out. And if you must ask out of a morbid sense of curiosity, it was DRY CAT FOOD (Meow Mix to be specific…)
Now after a careful review of Seraph’s family pictures one can conclude he spent his childhood being rather adorable. Nothing was found which would enable a blackmail scheme or extortionist’s plot… (unless you count those pictures of him dressed up as Elton John…AND IT WAS NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN, dear ones…hee, hee…) Even his school pictures are quite consistently charming with his lovely locks growing longing and longer in each preceding grade until reaching rock god-esque crescendo during senior year. Now Splendor on the other hand was cursed by year after year of odd self inflicted haircuts and makeovers that requires her school pictures to be buried in the back yard in a tin can…yikes…
In all seriousness, both of our families were picture perfect in their own ways. One family being comprised of free spirited artists, the other a family of a more traditional style. But the problem with pictures is they are rather two dimensional and do not show what is outside the frame. Trust us, there were skeletons in both families’ closets. We have seen them with our own two (four?) eyes and in fact we have several hanging in our front parlor. HA! We wish. It seems as though “SOMEONE” in the family has already made off with the real ones…hmmm…
Now all of this talk of bruised egos as well as asses (HEY, YOU CAN’T SAY THAT, YOU FREAKY WEIRDO!) has got us thinking of the lovely shades of amethyst, plum and purple. Now smile and say “Yes, Mistress”….
Radiant dust a chimney rise
Desert floor dissolved wide ablaze
Golden plum against the midnight sky
Burning eyes in death clouds ash grey face
(“Destroyer of Worlds” by Bathory)