Attending a cultural event (say such a as museum show) can be an educational and enlightening experience. On the day of the show, the FIRST thing that Splendor learned was that her closet contains many strange and wonderful things…spiky Victorian style boots with skull buttons, flowing velvet jackets in gloomy shades of death, ash and midnight and an endless supply of skirts adorned with lacing, zippers and buckles. What this closet of curiosities DOES NOT contain is a winter coat, a pair sensible shoes or any other “NORMAL” attire that should be worn in public during daylight hours.
Now the SECOND thing that Splendor learned is that wearing a lace mini skirt and knee high lace up boots to a posh art exhibit will only lead to further scrutiny of one’s person. Although not out rightly stated, there seemed to be a lingering connotation by some that Splendor’s hair is too long, her garments too strange and her general demeanor too scandalous to be considered “professional” and that henceforth she should no to be allowed in to roam freely, mingling with the general public…HA! As to which Belphegor hoodie Seraph decided to wear, that is a story for another day…
Now Splendor’s first experience with PROPER BUSINESS ATTIRE occurred back at her first job in high school where it was promptly pointed out that one CANNOT come to work in a Venom t-shirt reeking of Jack Daniel’s and sin and was expected instead to wear a white blouse, a knee length white skirt and a FREAKING PINK APRON (…the horror…the horror…) In case there ever is a Chintz of Darkness category on an upcoming Jeopardy show, the answer to the question would be BAKERY for 1000 points, Alex. And what a fine establishment it was…
Now just to set the stage, one only needs to imagine a stately brick building with an elegant tailored awning on a quaint tree lined lane. Upon entering the dignified double doorway, one was promptly greeted with a greasy crumb strewn floor, hazy frosting smudged walls and a collection of rickety café tables with mismatched chairs held together with duct tape and string. Other highlights included a lecherous cocaine huffing boss, an infestation of cockroaches (that yes, now that you asked, dear readers, dropped from the ceiling into vats of chocolate icing on a hourly basis…) and of course let’s not forget about the flasher and his gigantic…er…oh, never mind…Did we mention that both of the dishwashers and one of the bakers were registered sex offenders? And last but not least, who could forget about the “Apple Strudel” that they sold at Christmas time after gathering racks of rotten pastries throughout the year and grinding them up as filling? We kid you not, this putrid pastry resembled a MUMMIFIED ZOMBIE ARM, complete with brown flaking skin and an odd odor…
Indeed, Splendor’s first job taught her many important life lessons such as the value of earning one’s own money, as well as how to avoid getting groped while carrying two trays of doughnuts, how to fend off marriage proposals from pedophiles and the subtle art of “borrowing” bus money from the till… Needless to say, the bakery eventually filed for bankruptcy and closed its doors...soon after that Splendor joined the racks of the self employed and has never looked back…
…and yes, self employment is a joyous situation where no one minds if you show up to work in your BIRTHDAY SUIT instead of a business suit. In fact around here they (as in Seraph) rather encourage it…hee!
So how do YOU earn your keep, dear readers?
Please stop by for a visit to our new ETSY SHOP. Thanks!
Unveiled in death to the sinner
Written in the ancient book of lies
Hear the demons call
From the crimson waterfall
As the blood rains from the skies
("Seven Gates of Hell" by Venom)