It looks as if Spring is finally here. That dreaded time of year when the first brilliant shaft of sunlight pierces through the murky windows and illuminates a winter long accumulation of dust, grime, crumbs and other décor related blasphemies that have amassed over the winter months. It would appear that the resident spiders have been busy building gossamer castles in our chandelier and attaching diaphanous puppet strings to our collection of Art Nouveau statues. The statues themselves seem rather pleased (as they are usually too lazy to get up and do anything themselves, preferring to just sit around looking waifish and pretty…UPPITY BITCHES…) As for the chandelier, it seems to resent the intrusion and has developed the unladylike habit of scratching itself in public…
Now when we moved into our current residence we vowed to keep it as pristine as the wind driven snow. HA! This is not an easy task when various factors are constantly at work against us. Firstly, as artists and designers we tend to produce a rather large quantity of dust, threads and metal shards not to mention multitudes of fabric scraps in every imaginable shape and color. Secondly, half the furnishings that we have dragged home and installed here are filthy and biodegrading to begin with. When these oddities are then mingled with our assortment of moldering textiles, it creates a toxic squall that hovers over our dwelling like a baroque thunderstorm, raining down bits of tinsel, gilding and the occasional bullion tassel…
All in all we manage to keep things fairly clean (at least that is what we like to tell people…) as long as no one looks under the sofa or behind the drapes. Truth be told, without Seraph and his never ending supply of lint rollers (not to mention his pet vacuum cleaner named Skippy) the place would go to HELL IN A HAND BASKET rather quickly. (Now the concept of going to hell in a hand basket has always been quite appealing especially if the basket included a mini bar and a fluffy pillow to rest ones head on during the journey…hmmm…but that is besides that point.)
Another thing that we like to tell people is that the portieres in our kitchen add height and bring drama to the room. HA! Actually they are primarily used to hide crumbs the size of croutons and some delinquent Cheerios among their lower tassels. If worse came to worse we could probably live for a week on what has fallen back there over the years. Needless to say Splendor’s overall standards of cleanliness are rather lower than Seraph’s and she has a notorious reputation of being rather messy in the kitchen. She is only trusted with flour under adult supervision and has been known to put sticky jars of peanut butter in back in the fridge.
There is really no need to bring up the infamous incident with a bottle of coleslaw dressing that somehow exploded covering not only the entire kitchen but the parlor carpet in a gooey mess. (OK, OK it is probably a deserving punishment for eating such WHITE TRASH CRAP like Kraft salad dressing in the first place…lesson learned…hope no one finds out about the occasional cravings for Stove Top stuffing and diet root beer…damn…)
May this lovely section of ephemeral flora remind one that Spring is indeed upon us…HAPPY CLEANING, dear ones…enjoy!
You freeze to death in morning mist..
Great vast landscapes, frostbitten woodlands...
Frozen thunder, hellish blizzard storms
Here snow will always fall... black majestic winter magic
The evil frozen moonlit nights
("The Frostbitten Woodlands” by Carpathian Forest)