Friday, December 6, 2013

Walk Like an Egyptian

In other noteworthy news of late Seraph + Splendor have welcomed a new baby girl into their lives! The blessed event happened a little over a year ago and the proud parents are as pleased as punch.. The little bundle of joy weighed in at whopping 31 pounds upon delivery (ouch!) and came complete with a handle on her head, a knee lift and JOY OF JOYS an automatic thread cutter! The young Missy thrives on a strict diet of thread, machine oil and broken needles and is quite content, thank you very much. Well, if you have not already surmised our offspring is indeed a shiny new sewing machine, which joins a already growing family of Pfaffs.

Now if truth be told, Splendor's long suffering parents were less than thrilled at the news and perhaps even a bit perturbed at the prospect of YET AGAIN reading bedtime stories to a nothing more than a BAG OF BOLTS. Quite understandable some might say after a series of less than desirable grandchildren including (but not limited to) a feral cat, a box of lint and oh, let us not forget about we adopted that.. oh, never mind... Now for others anxiously awaking the birth of Seraph + Splendor's demon child, you must be patient, patient as in NEVER... 
 
{In a dark corner of Obsidian Hall...)





Now, sewing can be a fulfilling pastime offering hours of enjoyment and... blah, blah, blah... do not believe that rubbish for a second, dear readers for in fact sewing is a DEATH DEFYING BLOOD SPORT not for the faint of heart or casual passerby simply wishing to sew a set of potholders. While Splendor is the embodiment of a human pincushion, Seraph Scissorhands (an apt nickname indeed) fights a daily battle with thread and foe alike. The Studio here at Obsidian Hall (now hidden in the eves and best approached by a flight of rickety stairs) houses casks and kegs of every imaginable implement, each more evil than the next and better befitting a medieval torture's guild than a quaint quilter's bee... 


Over the years as word of our talents (hmmm...) grew, we have been queried to create many strange and wonderful things (but then again we have been asked to conjure a pair of pantaloons for a pet money but THAT, dear ones, is a story for another day...) Much like the plague our creations have spread both far and wide, for in fact we once heard mention of one of our conjurings on the national news. What was this grandiose gewgaw worthy of praise by a thankful nation, you might ask?!? 



Why nothing more than a humble shower curtain. And by humble, we of course mean a fully functioning drapery contraption, complete with a shaped valance whose curves and curlycues were worthy of a contortionist. A dizzying orgy of Chinoiserie style applique was further festooned with solid silver medallions and a set of antique Turkoman tiebacks. As for the national news coverage, the albeit former owner of this ensemble currently serves time in a Federal prison for an elaborate (yet highly illegal) ponzi scheme and said drapery was seized and most like sold into white slavery... well, one must always look on the dark side, dear ones, so at least it was dressed for the occasion... 


Other interesting undertaking was the creation of a velvet robe for a life sized fully animatronic elephant. There was a collar commissioned as well but the first time the fearsome beast was fired up it was sucked into the gears of it's greasy underbelly, the remnants unceremoniously spat upon the floor... QUITE A PRIMADONNA PACHYDERM INDEED! Many more tales could be told of semi-sentient slipcovers that could forebode the future, carnivorous table treatments that consumes a party of twelve and of course the cushions for a set of five legged chairs ran off during their fittings, but we will save THOSE tales for a rainy day...
Tell us, dear readers, do you still believe that a stitch in time saves nine?

The Mighty Voices
Of my Vengeance
Smash the Stillness of the Air
And stand as Monoliths of Wrath
Upon a plan of writhing Serpents
(The Black Hand Of Set by Nile)

5 comments:

carla fox said...

Ah, the infamous Shower Curtain Caper....that was YOU? I should have known. Perhaps you'll share photos of this erstwhile drapery....and I would have loved going to THAT moving sale!

Seraph + Splendor said...

Certain evidence leads us to believe it was our shower curtain UNLESS it had an evil twin that we did not know about! HA! ~Splendor (oh, wait - maybe ours WAS the evil twin...)

Seraph + Splendor said...

...we have SO (sew?) many other strange sewing stories that we did not have room for in this post... armed guards, invisible clients, sado discotheques, Satanic bedspreads...

Lunar Black said...

Bu..demon seeds are fun! Well, my demon seed is.
satanic bedspreads? Oo I like the sound of that.
You should come to my house and get my freaking sewing machine working because I'm tempted to throw it out the window.

Seraph + Splendor said...

yes, I am sure your little devil is quite adorable! Might just have to do "The Adventures of a Mercenary Seamstress Part II"... hmmm... ~Splendor

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