One day not so long ago Splendor came to the realization that her obsession with collecting textiles had taken a turn for the worse... she knew in her dark little heart of hearts that something that seemed like a FABULOUS notion at the time had amounted to an amassing of oddities that must be hidden from view. What was this horrid blight that befell an otherwise carefully curated (OK, haphazardly hoarded) collection of fabric related finery, one may ask?
Nothing short of *gasp* a selection of vintage bath towels from the 60's & 70's, once sold at fine department stores now facing a flea market fall from grace. Now as the (unofficial) director of the Home for Wayward & Unwanted Housewares, Splendor readily sympathized with this sad state of affairs, comforting the trembling terrycloth towels and wiping away their tears. Truth be told, many a useless implement had been adopted using the old excuse that the object in question had simply followed her home. Tales are told of strange processions of furnishings joyously jostling at her heels, while bits of bijoux fluttered about her head. On one particular occasion, acting as the Pied Piper of Passementerie, Splendor rid an entire town of their troublesome tiebacks & trimmings in a single afternoon. As to how a stray washcloth joined this merry cavalcade of collectibles NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW...
Now in all fairness these towels were in fact quite lovely, festooned with dazzling motifs in a dizzying array of jewel tones, but subtle they were not... the term “eye blistering” has been tossed about by some, while others prefer the phrase “WTF!?!”. A favorite was fashioned in fuchsia & sapphire and blended a belligerent Fleur de Lis pattern with a mild mannered middle eastern motif... Oh, and let us not forget the set of sensuous stripes woven in tones of topaz & tourmaline, plush as velvet, with a border that can only be described as “medieval modern” (hmmmm...) Last but CERTAINLY not least, a single bath towel in shades of celadon & sea foam encrusted with an arabesque medallion and curlycue corners much like an exotic oriental carpet exquisitely rendered in strands of terrycloth... *rolls eyes* Each had it's own glittery label spouting nostalgic terms such as “Finger Tip Towel,” “Grand Damask,” “Moroccan Mode”. After the appearance of a bathmat emblazoned with the lofty title “Shanghai Serenade” (in a stunning ensemble of emerald & citron with a tint of chartreuse, if one must ask...) Seraph, fearing a toilet seat cover might be the next monastery to arise, promptly stepped in set set matters right...
When queried as to the outcome of this curious collection Splendor declared that her treasure trove of terrycloth was to be conjured into a grand set of cabana cushions (true story, dear readers... hmmm) to be scattered amid an ornate oasis worthy of an ostentatious Ottoman overlord. Visions of plump banquettes and palatial carpets (and perhaps a pair scantly clad satyrs serving poolside) filled Splendor's head... There was talk of tufted medallions, tassel fringes and gilded galloons galore. Now if plans where to be made to transform a teeny, tiny bathroom (with one meager towel rack) into a sweeping seaside vista, Seraph stated that he preferred a grotto theme complete with Venetian shell chairs and a waterfall... He furthermore claimed that Splendor's garish plans were angering the sea nymphs and quite frankly PISSING OFF POSEIDON HIMSELF. As is most often the case, Seraph had better sense about such matters and the towel collection was relegated to duty as rags (rather ravishing rags, but rags nonetheless... humph)
Needless to say our petite powder room remains to this day decorated in the much sought after “Art Nouveau on Acid” style with peacocks aplenty and accoutrement in “tasteful” shades of blackened teal, burnt plum & gold... tell us, dear ones, have one of your collections gotten a bit out of control?
Gathered here is a selection gilded portals and framed finery for your pleasure! Enjoy!
(Into Infinite Obscurity by Dissection)