Now everyone already knows that as a mere babe Seraph was dropped from beneath the wings of the Dark Lord himself into the awaiting arms of his parents to be. Whether this was due to the rebellion in heaven or if young Seraph was simply too much to handle (constantly pulling the demon’s tails and throwing brimstones at the cats) NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. Awaiting him in his new home was an older sister and brother and although they were not in the least bit Hell spawned they made affable siblings nonetheless. Filling out the happy household was an incredibly adorable toy fox terrier named Cupie, as well as a constant stream of reptiles, bunnies and stray ducklings…
[Seraph with Cupie]
In retrospect, it can be stated with certainty that Seraph got away with murder as a child (figuratively, that is…no one actually DIED that was not made out of plastic…hmmm). Perhaps his parents were distracted by the demands of a young family and a busy professional life or maybe they just decided to look the other way when Seraph practiced public displays of witchcraft in the front yard or lit the railroad tracks on fire…TWICE. More safe and sane activities were enjoyed as well including a stint in pee wee football, ballroom dancing lessons (*snicker*) and an assortment of family vacations and adventures.
[Seraph celebrating his heritage...]
Seraph’s childhood home was a sturdy and stoic mid century Brady Bunch style house. It was shiny and bright with sparse furnishing and amble room for three children to wreak utter destruction without actually breaking anything. This all changed when the family inherited his Grandparent’s estate full of wicked and lovely Victorian furnishing. The house became an amalgamation of styles with gnarled oak tables replacing sleek Formica, spindly china cabinets stuffed with china springing up out of nowhere and Art Nouveau lamps gracing chic 60’s coffee tables. The garage took the brunt of this influx; going from a luxurious two car variety to a space one could hardly store the lawnmower….
[The lovely rambler that once housed a fallen angel]
[Seraph illustrating the perils of one too many hand me down toys…]
A thorough examination of Seraph’s teenage years is rather difficult due to ALL OF THE DAMN SMOKE IN THE AIR. Let’s just say that the room Seraph shared with his older brother started out innocent enough with its boyish wallpaper and quaint set of twin beds but that was soon to change. Over the ensuing years the room transformed into a dimly lit speakeasy crammed with records, music gear and scantily clad girlfriends. Now the fact that this room was DIRECTLY UNDER his parent’s bedroom confounds the mind and confuses the senses (much like the room itself did…) Needless to say after a few more years of unspeakable debauchery Seraph ran across Splendor and lived happily ever after…
[The infamous Elton John picture...]
[Who could forget Paul Stanley? It probably goes without saying that it was NOT HALLOWEEN in either of these photos…]
As soon as Splendor fell to earth in a puff of sulfuric hail she made up her mind to never become the proper young lady that people expected her to be. Instead she filled her days catching snakes, climbing trees and running around the yard in her underpants. Other than THAT, Splendor was rather shy and introverted and was content with reading books of fairy tales and playing with her collection of stuffed animals (no dolls allowed). Being an only child (it seems one demon seed was quite enough, thank you very much…) she learned quick to amuse herself and avoided other children like the plague. Accompanying her on her misadventures was her faithful dog Mitzi. Now no one needs to point out that having a dog named after Mitzi Gaynor is NOT IN THE LEAST BIT EVIL…and to mention that she was a mild mannered cockapoo (the dog, not the actress) only adds insult to injury, but that is a story for another day…
Splendor spent her early years in a large and disheveled house that was rumored to be a “roadhouse” in Victorian times. The house’s finer features included a hidden room accessible only through the attic crawlspace (creepy…), a haunted coat closet and several walk in fire places. There was also a secret greenhouse that could only be found by descending a set of rickety stairs and tip toeing past an ominous black cabinet of sorts that was referred to in hushed tones as “The Refrigerator”. As to why there was a conservatory in the cellar or an apparent need to keep a crypt of cadavers is, to this day, one of life’s little mysteries…In the years to come Splendor’s family moved to a series of odd and uninteresting places, including a terrible interlude on a perilous and deserted island in the middle of nowhere. For Splendor this was much like living on Alcatraz but without any of the festivities and glamorous accommodations. And her crime you may ask? Well it seems she was guilty of nothing more than having ECCENTRIC FREAKING PARENTS…
[Splendor dressed like a dork...)
Most memories of Splendor’s school days are a blur simply due to years of trying to block them out thus avoiding costly and time consuming therapy sessions. Perhaps it was the tingle of demon’s breath that still surrounded her or maybe it was the glint of evil in her eyes but young Splendor was an outcast from day one (therefore learning the valuable life lesson that MERE MORTALS SUCK…HA!) Her hatred of dolls soon extended to cheerleaders, jocks and preppies and her love for Darkness began…Luckily in a few short years she found her soul mate and all round love of her life Seraph…if anyone is interested in THAT story, click here…
[Splendor and Natasha]
[Splendor's beloved home...]
Proclaim the fall of Seraphs
noli tangere me
Ad modum muscorum in maximo numero
Abysmally distorted human mortals
(“Fall of Seraphs” by Mayhem)
Walk the hidden ways of mysterious, iniquity lands.
Paved with roads of thorns.
Light has diminished to none.
A world of total splendor,
Ravenous for devotion.
Where all gods possess the thrones.
Worshipped by those with no will.
("When the Sun Drowns in Dark" by Vader)