Monday, January 18, 2010

It's a Small World


*SPOILER WARNING* this post may contain references to how bodily functions and interior decoration can be combined to the delight and entertainment of the entire family….

Now having no children of our own (unless you count the spawn of demons that we have no doubt created by simply existing…) we see no reason at all to act our age…we still proudly enjoy fairy tale books, running in the halls and playing with toys. OK. Splendor does, Seraph is completely normal and acts like an adult all of the time…hmmm…really? But seriously, we will be the first to admit that we DID NOT need to buy another miniature ceramic furniture set (including a sofa, two side chairs with an ottoman and a grand piano with a removable lid.) As to what we are planning to do with the set we have no idea whatsoever. Perhaps another elaborate yet rustic fairy parlor decorated with tiny skeletons, dead spiders or a family of taxidermy frogs. We have noticed other people use their cabinet space to store more useful things such as china, books or linens while we create spooky haunted dollhouses that would give Edgar Allan Poe the creeps (if he were ever to stop by and visit our collection of ravens, that is…)

Everyone knows that dolls completely suck and do not deserve furniture of their own, but pet sized furniture is completely acceptable. The only drawback is convincing the little darlings that sleeping in a Tony Duquette-esque roomscape is not a threat to their own design esthetics. If we were to have ever made a bed like for our beloved cat Kitche she would have looked at it with amusement and distain and then set it on fire with her eyes…She much preferred to sleep on the most inconvenient thing at hand (such as our heads) or the most expensive object in the room that DID NOT BELONG TO HER.

Did we ever tell you the story about the time when we decided to treat ourselves and have one of our heirloom chairs reupholstered? We thought not…It seems that somewhere during our travels we ran across a lovely scrap of velvet just the size needed for our chair. Now this velvet was the lovely shade of a shimmering tiger running through a forest in the golden sunlight… (perhaps the homemade shrimp chow mein that we had for dinner has given us an “overactive imagination” again…we HOPE that those were shitake mushrooms in the cupboard…damn…)

Anyways, arrangements were made and before long our much loved chair was returned to us. At this time we must point out that Kitche used an elaborate language comprised of various bodily functions to portray her displeasures with us. We are still not sure what we did that day to upset her tender sensibilities but within a half an hour of the chair being delivered there was a gigantic projectile vomit stain directly on the seat and dribbling down the front leg. Now the guys at the upholstery cleaners had a good laugh at our expense and assured us that it would be “as good as new”. It seems they DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE SUBTLE NUANCES OF EXPENSIVE VELVET, which after cleaning turned from the lovely color of tawny tiger fur to a flat and lifeless shade of stale graham crackers. We swear after that day Kitche never again gave that chair another look and moved on to bigger and better things that we WILL NOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE. Needless to say Kitche ran our lives with an iron claw and we miss her more than we can even put into words…

The moral to this story surely DOES NOT EXIST, so please feel free to make up your own, dear readers. (And do tell us of your own animal / interior ordeals…)

Our Beloved Kitche...

I shall never forget you, the best
of all there is, I lick your cold lips,
I embrace your coffin as I sigh in woe.

(“Natassja in Eternal Sleep” by Darkthrone)


Unknown said...

This makes me want to build another doll house!
Beautiful cat. I'm a huge cat lover.

Seraph + Splendor said...

...thank you lover of cats and doll houses, too!!!

fannyfae said...

I confess! I am a collector of Egyptian-themed dolls and toys. I think you've inspired me to actually build a room for dear Cleopatra and Nefertari to lounge in. ;)

{Tara} said...

Many a beloved piece of furniture has been ruined with cat vomit around here as well...amazing photos as always!

carla fox said...

Well, since you asked....
Way back when (and I won't tell you when that was) in design school, I had labored long and hard on a final project. My colorboards were propped up on the back of the sofa, where I could step back and view my work. As I was admiring my finished product, my cat (who liked to lay across the back of the sofa) leaned over and spewed forth a trail of yellow vomit. Was this his editorial comment? Needless to say, it did NOT match my color scheme. A twist on the old "my dog ate my homework" excuse....

Kerin said...

What a marvelous and amazing blog you have! I am so so inspired and giddy at finding you. My only wish is I had more time today to go through each post. I will be back very soon.

Anonymous said...

Day-yum, kids! With all your centuries-old-soul-wisdom, did you fail to recognize that the very(as yourselves described and projected on to her) "velvet the lovely shade of a shimmering tiger running through a forest in the golden sunlight" was a direct challenger to the Feline Castle Heirarchy of Kitche, who promptly "killed" it, then never gave it another thought?

I have Puddy, from Tweetie Bird's "I tot I taw a puddy tat", AKA the Pudster, Fatty Arbuckle, and YOU BAD CAT. He is living a second life after I rescued him from being put down for "fighting with other cats", or simply doing to live animals what Kitche did to the velvet chair. We take care of them, and cats take care of us in so many delicious ways!

On another note, your cabinet of curiosities inspired me to procure a lovely old cupboard to contain all my saints and treasures and spells and objects d'art in my small apartment. I have a (first I have ever seen) black-skinned Madonna with Infant of Prague sitting atop. Gorgeous, just gorgeous. Thanks for all your inspirations and funnies! I really devour your posts.

GlaMaureen in KCMO

Seraph + Splendor said...

...we think that perhaps you are right and the velvet chair DID need to die...Kitche truly was the one with the old soul full of wisdom.

Sana said...

Found your blog!
I loved!
I´ll read everything.


The Mistress said...

The 6-foot high, multi-layered cat condo, unfortunately, is the focal point of the living room.

I once tried to remove it as the boy is getting too old to climb it regularly but he put an end to THAT idea!

pve design said...

My childhood dog had a classic house outside and the marks of his scratch still reside on the kitchen door of my familial home. Many times, the offer to replace that door by a handy-man have been thwarted with a "That door is priceless, it shows all that has lived within" - I think the door is just as telling as the cat's cradle or the "dog's house.
Wonderfully witty bits of decay and luxurious self indulgence here.

Seraph + Splendor said...

...thanks so much! That door is indeed priceless.

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